football 101.

to generate excitement for superbowl at OCM, ping thought it would be funny if i taught a football class. you know, since i do have THREE WHOLE YEARS of football watching experience. that's three more than ping.

i didn't want to bore everyone with the actual rules of football, because i think it's a pretty simple sport to enjoy. i mean, there's two teams. one team is trying to get the ball into the other team's territory, as the other team tries to stop you from doing so. what's so hard about that?

so i thought to myself, how can i make football just a bit more interesting and describe it in a way that's more relateable to people, esp. girls? how about making football into a metaphor? what can i compare it to, shopping? but how would that work? no no. what else? and then it hit me:

football is like the game of love

now bear with me. imagine the ball is the girl. and the offense is the guy trying to woo her. he wants to bring her all the way to the endzone, ie. the marriage altar.

to get to the altar, you gotta go through a series of dates. each date would be considered a first down. you have 4 tries to get to the next date or else you're gonna have to give the girl up.

now in football, there's two general plays the offense can make to get the ball to the endzone: pass or run.

pass- the more aggressive play. in dating, a pass can be expensive presents, vacations, broadway shows, when the guy gives it all he has. it's exciting, but the risk of losing the ball is greater.

run- it's a safer and definitely a lot slower play. a run can be just getting coffee, watching movies, simple dinners. not always exciting, but it gets you where you need to go.

follow me so far?

ok, now there's the defense. basically, it's all the obstacles that are preventing you from reaching the endzone. it can be work, responsibilities, but mostly it's just jockblockers. yeah, that's right. you heard me.

in football there's two main ways that you can lose the ball (provided if you keep getting to the first down):  interception and fumble.

interception- ohh you know. another guy steals the ball from you. blocks your play. and now your girl is in the hands of another man.

 =

fumble- when the guys messes up and just drops the ball. it might get knocked out by force or he simply didn't have a good enough hold, either way, he loses it. some guys just don't know to handle the girl... err, i mean ball.

 =

either way, the girl is gone. and in football, when the ball is loose, twenty sweaty men immediately jumps all over it to try to get it. and so it is with a newly single gal.

 =

and then there's times you don't lose the ball, but you mess up and it results in a penaltly. such penalties may be:

false starts- take your time. wait for the cue. jumping the gun may just set you back a few yards.

unnecessary roughness- calm down hulk, you can get the job down without being so rough.

personal foal- self explanatory.

holding- keep your hands to yourself!

yay! you made it all the way to the endzone! now you're hitched!

six points for you. now you go for an extra point to seal the deal. (think how couples sealed the deal in biblical times.) or you can go for two points. that's what i would like to think of as the honeymoon baby.

MORE TERMINOLOGY!! (i did not forget these terms, but just thought my entry was wayy too long so i didn't want to get into it. but here you go!)

i didn't preface this earlier, but the game of love is only for one drive. the drive is when the team has the ball (possession) and it's their turn to score. once you lose the ball, it's goes to the other team, onto a new drive. so you can't score more than once and marry multiple times! once you seal the deal, it's onto the next player!

Field goal- you make it close enough to the endzone to score, but you're not sure if you can get it in all the way so you take the easy road to get it in, ie. eloping!

huddle- when the team gathers together and decides on the next play, usually with the direction of the coach. this is where the "let's pray about it" comes in. coach = god.

and now you know all you need to about football (& love).

class dismiss!